


What Happenend After The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County: A Mark Twain Fanfic

by WhatHappenedToMyHappyEnding



Category: The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatHappenedToMyHappyEnding/pseuds/WhatHappenedToMyHappyEnding
Summary: im sorrybut likealso notthis is literally a lang project





	What Happenend After The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County: A Mark Twain Fanfic

Task 6  
“Well, thish-yer Smiley had a yaller one-eyed cow that didn’t have no tail, only just a short stump like a bannanner, and---”  
“I’m ever so sorry Sir but I really must be going,” I interjected, desperately trying to grasp a reasonable excuse to make my leave. Wheeler had yet to conciliate my doubts about his stories and I needed to evacuate before he became too involved in his anecdotes.  
“I ain’t done yet feller now set back down and listen here,” boomed the old man, shoving me back down into a chair. He quickly jumped back into his absurd tales with his monotonous voice.  
“Now this here cow, it was one of the biggest cows I ever done saw. It’s head woulda touched this here ceiling and it’s head woulda been hanging out the door. Jim trained this cow day ‘n’ night tryin’ to make it the strongest most fastest cow in the country. Smiley made this cow run and run and run until he would blow that whistle o’ his twice. Otherwise, this cow was a juggernaut, stoppin’ fer nothin’ in his path. This cow would’a razed an entire town ‘til Smiley blew his whistle. Now, of course, Smiley here had to use his prized cow fer bettin’ even against the fastest of stallions.  
Smiley entered his cow in a grand showcase. He was always one fer showin’ off his possessions. He got to talkin’ with a feller who was one of the owners of the biggest cow in the state.  
‘My cow just yonder eats five dozen eggs a day’, alleged the ambitious owner.  
‘What you mean that shrimp of a cow that’s lyin’ there like the darndest potater? Yer lyin’ like a no-legged dog. My cow yonder can run faster and farther than any cow in the whole state and I’d bet all the money in my here pocket that he can outrun your lazy sack of bricks.’  
‘Well alrighty you brute pull out yer money and put it in my here hand cuz’ you might as well give it to me now,’ the man exclaimed, exacerbating the quarrel.  
Each man pulled out all the money in their wallets and placed a wager, then lined up their cows at the end of a fence.  
‘We’ll run ‘em straight to the end o’ the fence and keep ‘em runnin’ until one of ‘em passes out dead,’ Smiley said, pullin’ out his magic whistle.  
Smiley gave his whistle one mighty toot and the cows sped off, like his hide was aflamin’, towards the end o’ the fence. They ran and ran and didn’t stop runnin’ as they got to the fence. Finally, the other owner’s cow started to slow down and got a tad bit distracted ya see. He was mighty tired and hadn’t had no trainin’ like Smiley’s cow. It took a few big steps and collapsed on the ground asleep, faster than a knife fight in a phone booth. It didn’t even have no time to chew on any grass the poor beast.  
Smiley smiled to himself and blew the whistle to stop his cow. But the big feller was too far away and the wind blowin’ so fast that he couldn’t even hear the whistle so he kept on keeping on. That monster went runnin’ straight through the fence and got a mighty splinter in the eye. He went truckin’ all the way down the road until he got to town. He went bowlin’ through houses and families on the streets, leavin’ a macabre trail o’ destruction behind ‘em. That darn cow went and ran around the world until he got back to Smiley.  
That cow showed up missin’ his eye and with a stub of a tail. Some say that the butcher tried to chop ‘im to bits but he was a’runnin’ so fast he went and missed and just barely chopped off his swisher-flicker.”  
Now at this point I was about ready to dig out my own eyes as long as it meant I could  
leave. The sun was setting and all I wanted to do was go home and write back to my dearest friend who played this nasty trick on me. Finally, the bartender came up to us and asks if we need anything.  
“Nah ol’ buddy ol’ pal we’re mighty fine over here,” Wheeler exclaims.  
Before the bartender can turn around, however, I blurt out, “Wait! Good sir, where may I find a bathroom?”  
“Just down the hall to the left,” he said, music to my ears.  
I jumped up from the table and sprinted down to the bathroom. Alas, I had a stroke of luck- there was a window! I quickly jumped out the window and stole away. Oh yes, my friend sure would get an earful from me.


End file.
